Discipleship and Relationships

In the New Testament, Christ clearly calls all people to follow Him -- to be His Disciples. This mindset should govern all things one does. Saint Francis de Sales takes this mindset and applies it to relationships with each other, especially between members of the opposite sex. Simply put, disciples of Christ should follow the two great commandments and apply them to their relationships; “…love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself,” (Luke 10:27).

Disciples must love their neighbors as themselves, especially their friends. Just as one person wants to be respected, they must respect others. When this is applied to relationships, people must treat others well if they wish to be treated well. For example, it is wrong to enter into a friendship for the sole purpose of sensual pleasure. This shows a lack of respect for the individual and a lust of their body. No one would want this to happen to themselves, so they should not have this attitude towards someone else. Furthermore, one should be considerate of how far both people want the relationship to go, and base their actions off that. If one person wants a friend and the other wants a spouse, the former should be careful not to lead the other person on. When the truth eventually comes out that they merely want to be friends, the latter will be devastated, and friendship will be in jeopardy. The person who simply wants friendship should imagine how the other person will feel when the truth comes out. If the first person loves their friend in the way Christ’s disciples should love each other, then they should be considerate of how the other person feels in their relationship. On the contrary, the person who is in the relationship for more than friendship should realize that the other person does not have that intention. Flirtatious behavior can make it awkward for the other the friend and the two cannot have a healthy friendship. In any relationship it is critical that both people remember that they must love each other as they love themselves, and respect each other.

More important then loving each other is loving God. God blesses those who love Him, and thus if friends love God as well as themselves, then He will bless them. While it is important in all relationships, loving God is critical in a marital relationship, or one that will lead to marriage. God is the creator of all things, including love. Therefore, wherever there is love, there is God; and God’s presence and power should be recognized. Sadly, one cannot merely say “I love God”, and have a strong relationship with Him. Knowledge of God and the subsequent relationship with Him is an intense journey. As such, a couple should strive together to achieve closeness with the Lord. In doing so, they will grow close to each other. All friends look out for one another. This is generally in terms of safety, life choices, and most importantly, spirituality. While it is important to look out for one’s friends in this life, it is exponentially more important to look out for them in the next life -- especially as disciples of Christ. Leading friends into temptation by leading them on is not something one should do if they truly love their friend. Instead, they should make sure they do not sin by leading them away for near occasions of sin and temptation. This brings both friends closer to God, and enhances their relationship. Most people see there being two people in a relationship, when the reality is that there should be three; the man, the woman, and God.

Modern society seems to struggle with relationships today. Moral degradation has taken the love and God out of all types of relationships and replaced Him with personal gain. A lot of people have forgotten how to love and put lust in love‘s place. This creates endless empty relationships filled with despair. People can become upset with God, and turn away from Him rather than turning towards Him. If only people would realize that their Creator is all knowing and can help them, then they could learn to love. Saint Francis de Sales points out that if people turn away from the world instead of God and become one of Christ’s disciples, they would be happy. True happiness comes from loving and serving God and each other, and the soon the rest of the world comes to that conclusion, the happier they will be.